So I can't believe I also forgot that awesome time I played Crazy Mike in racquetball...oh god that was the pinnacle of my athletic career...that and the nasty bump I still have on my skull from IM hockey #It'sAllAboutTheTeam #TheTeamTheTeamTheTeam #ThoseWhoStayWillNotBeChampions
so what else happened junior year?
- peed in the Old Well at chapel hill (Johnny's friend Steph thinks I didn't but I totally did you guys you betcha I tots peed in it teeheehee #gthc. It was hard, but I rose to the occasion)
"The One With Whitey's Birthday" - Oh me lordy I don't even remember this that well...so the gang (literally everyone I think worth knowing was there, now that methinks aboot it) plus Johnny's friend Caitlin went out to some Durham place and ate some random food (plus I think John paid for my meal...don't know how I got that benefit, but shoot Johnnie Cochran couldn't have gotten a better deal than that), but then the fun started...went to the rink, and juiced (hehehe c wat i did thur) up on...idk a shitton of alcohol. I have no idea what the game was like, who we played, if we won, if we scored, if Okie did anything, if Okie didn't do something he should have, if we won the cointoss, whether or not we deferred to the second quarter, if Jimmy Hoffa was seen there, or if the game was called on account of rain. I do remember three events: I high-fived some random people because we were all Avs fans, I touched a guy's helmet, and I got kicked out of the game but got to see the Avalanche beat the Hurricanes on a last second goal in OT, which Brett and I celebrated like two drunk people would. Oh and I remember giving whitey a piggyback ride because it was the man's birfday and it was free. I probably gave him his birthday gift sometime in December either way...because he got his christmas present in july. Yup yup this sounds right. But yeah so I reached out, between the glass and the safety net, and just reached out and stroked his helmet, and somehow I thought I had gotten away with it too, but it was basically a delayed penalty, and he got sooper maid at oos and he toold oos to "GIT OOT" but we didn't hear him since I don't have Rosetta Stone installed on my phone so he had to point to the dooor at which point I was in tears anyway. After that it's a bit fuzzy...I remember licking icing off Johnny's finger, I remember Brett then doing the same because idk Johnny wasn't sober, I remember Caitlin being a witness to this because holy jesus that's funny, and I remember Brett and I having a sleepover. So yeah we went to dinner and a hockey game for Blancinho's birthday, and I remember neither of those things.
-Jansen came back and visited, and I got two parking tickets on the same day, so thanks for that, you Buckeye #Team134 is coming for you
Oh and on that visit Sam organized a celebration for Okie's birfday at Hooters. That's the brilliant kind of decision making that makes me SO excited for this wedding they're having. That trip was definitely notable because a) it was selection sunday and fuck you i don't care if you're the damn potus i'm watching selection sunday b) there was that CREEPY AS FUCK dude with all the candy bars just chillin like he just purchased a shitton of fundraiser candy from little children (#PagingChrisHansen) c) other chirren were there having birthday parties (#FutureStrippersOfAmerica) d) Budi did the chicken dance on a stool with a beak. I'm struggling to remember if this was that same visit, but I think it was since I don't go to Hooters since I'm not a 57 year old white male missing 6 teeth hitting on some #jailbait.
- The time LEHIGH BEAT DUKE. And IT WAS AWESOME. COULDN'T BELIEVE THAT SHIT WAS SEEN LIVE BY ME. #passivevoice #suckonthatms.anderson
Oh so this is tots unrelated but I found this stick of deodorant at the back of my closet (unopened) and I just assumed it had like expired, since the potency of the active chemicals may have worn off (fucking hate chemistry and chemical engineering IT HAS RUINED EVERYTHING), but i opened it, and the shit smelled like cinnamon this was the greatest day of my life.
April...I'm sure stuff happened in April. Easter? Maybe? Yeah I don't know, we got drunk, did the usual, blah blah blah
OH I remember something. Apart from that time Froggy and I played a drinking game called "everytime the other team scores in ncaa football finish your beer" and that game ended 77-70. So that was some rampant alcoholism.
"The One Where it took blanchinho 3 years to realize that I'm not a good student" - So for reading dayz, I wasn't in town, because I made a tots impromptu decision to roadtrip it down to my nig Ryan's place for 4 days. Whitey didn't see me all weekend (obviously) and...oh god...the poor bastard THOUGHT I WAS STUDYING. AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH NO YA NUTTY FOO I WAS DRUNK AT 3 PM AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHA. But that was a solid trip that in no way resulted in me working 60 hours in lab the final week of school while having 2 ChE finals and a hugeass paper. #yolo #gohard. What even happened? We went to a Mazda dealership, won two dollar coins off some mail thing Ryan had gotten...decided then that Mazda is a shitty company full of shitty people (spin a wheel, win a prize! is nice and all except when the wheel is digitized #atleasttryaLITTLEyouguys)...and then standard shenanigans, got drunk with some of his intern buds, debated this pittsburgh fan about how tom brady is a boss of a QB. Look, hate the guy all you want, but the man is a winner and an excellent QB. He might be (is) a douche, but wtf he's easily achieving topQB of all time status. So that was real odd that someone is that blatantly retarded. Oh yeah that was the night we went out, and the bartender bought me (aka not 21) four expensive shots...so that was excellent #ashwinning. Didn't show an ID to get in, didn't show one at the bar, didn't order anything while 4 other people did...four free shots on the house #wellalrightythen #businesspro.
But the next night....oh the next night! Went to some kid's park, highfived a 7 yo state fan in enemy territory, busted out the vodka, and played an excellent drinking game...difference in strokes per hole is the number of drinks you take. Ryan hit way too many hole-in-ones at the start, but then random drunk luck helped me even it out. At which point, we saw some teenagers stealing some of the flair all over the minigolf (nautical-themed) course, and throwing it over the fence to retrieve it later. So naturally, Capt Jones and ShwinbadtheSailor drop everything, run drunk past some cops, drive over to the scene of the 'crime'. I run out, grab the goods (a bigass wooden anchor and an ellipsoid that reads "Sailors's Hotel") and run back to the car, at which point a totally unrelated vehicle is driving in, and I have a serious deer-in-headlights look, so Ryan has to yell at me to get back in the car (using some NC17 and NAACP-wary language), before we arrive at McD's for some well-earned victory snacks.
Fucking great times.
#FreePipita
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