Just some general thoughts on life

It's harder than I thought to blog about stuff on a regular basis just because I’m so busy all the time :/  I’m fairly confident that no one actually reads anymore just because the update schedule is so infrequent that yall just forgot.  Whatever I don’t blame you, I wish I could blog more but who really wants to hear about what I do at work? Let me tell you, it’s a scintillating adventure consisting of a shitton of software packages that use input files that use the most convoluting and confusing syntax structures in the world.  I swear to god, every DoE lab/NE program in the country could all chip in, get someone at a good CS school to take on a project where they study the input mechanisms for these software codes, and develop a semidecent GUI.  Or even just an IDE.  Seriously how hard can it be to make something like that?  And while we’re at it, nuclear engineers, how about you take your heads out of your asses and stop using fucking FORTRAN holy crap that language is so old and antiquated and is just terrible compared to the OOP power of C.  And C already has a shiny new cover in the form of C++.  Oy vey.

Anyhoo so apparently the excuse “oh I thought this was the elevator” doesn’t work when you accidentally walk into the women’s restroom (which, coincidentally, is right next to the elevator).  I didn’t actually mean to walk in, it was legitimately an accident, I was walking and talking to a friend and she cut into the bathrommevator and I just blindly followed not realizing where exactly we were going.   Soooo…yeah that happened.

Oh and yesterday Okie’s hockey (non-UT) game was super exciting.  Their goalie was god awful, and I, being one of like literally 4 fans there, was definitely quite audible in letting the goalie know how much he sucked.  This fool had given the other team (the Fighting 7-11s) a 5-1 lead.   But slowly and sure they choked away that lead and Okie’s team took a 6-5 lead with 3ish minutes left.  Nothing eventful occurred until the Fighting 7-11’s pulled their goalie, and then Okie’s team had a breakaway, to which I bellowed “DON’T FUCKING MISS THE EMPTY NET!” and guess what the retard did? He missed the fucking net! And then Sam got mad when I called him a retard because its insulting to retards, because its not their fault they’re retarded, whereas its clearly this guy’s fault he went full retard on the empty net.  I still maintain that while calling someone retarded is not necessarily the most PC insult, that doesn’t make it wrong or inaccurate.  Just because retarded individuals can’t help their unfortunate situation, it doesn’t mean that someone of capable thought fucking up can’t be classified as ‘acting’ retarded.  It’s not exactly a winnable argument, but that doesn’t make me wrong.

On to the sporting world! So UTK played Florida in a super exciting (is it depressing that that is both super sarcastic yet super accurate? #ThirdSaturdayInSeptember) game that is one of those few games that a single (or I guess in deference to Florida's ballin' defense we'll use 2) gif accurately summarizes the whole game.

Blimey mate wat we got hurr guvnah?

We see hurr the naa-ive Gatah in eets na'achual invoironmeent

Although admittedly Peterman wasn't a whole heck of a lot better.

But then Dominique Easley (who unfortunately got injured in practice...I became a huge fan of this dude during the game, especially after he did this shit all day:)

ROLL, GATORS, ROLL!

DO A BARREL ROLL, GATOR!

It just seems so absolutely unecessary...I LOVE IT.

But shifting our attention to the other kind of football...we're still in disbelief that Arsenal signed one of the best players in the world.  They opened their checkbook past the loose change pocket, pulled out 43 million pounds, and bought MESUT FUCKING OZIL.  And its taken him 2 games to jump to the top of the EPL assists column.

Why yes hello Mesut I'd like 3 assists to go, please.

Arsenal 3-1 Stoke City 1

Yes, thank you Mesut, that will be all for today.

But after last weekend (yup back over the pond to murica football), is anyone more excited than me for this shit?

#SEConCBS

#ASaturdayTradition

#HowBoutDemDawgs

#GeauxTigers

I gotta find a new hobby

Let's start out with some good and happy news.  So in the biggest club competition in the world, Arsenal is stuck in the "group of death" with literally the 3 best opponents they could have drawn, including the team that came 2nd in the whole shebang a year ago. shebang is apparently a recognized word.  I assume it came from "the whole shebang"...is this what English majors do? After they graduate they become NSA-esque spies for the OED and Merriam-Webster and go around listening in on people's conversations and if enough people use a word/phrasing they add it to the dictionary? WAIT SO DOES THIS MEAN TWERKING IS GONNA BECOME A THING? It isn't yet, thank god, but fuck if we keep saying that word, will the english grads start some sort of internal referendum to add it to the dictionary? Folks, this one of those situations we can only describe as a "NOT-GOOD" situation.  If there has ever been a "NOT-GOOD" in human history...this is it.  This is a defcon 0 "not-good" situation.  You may be saying right now "but DEFCON only goes from 1-5! and even then wouldn't defcon 5 be the worst?" Well you'd be getting some half-credit right now.  Defcon 5 is the least concern, and Defcon 1 is "oh shit niggas we bout to nuke EREBODY up in this piece". So yeah, adding 'twerking' to the dictionary is definitely far worse than a thermonuclear holocaust.

Ironically that's a transition into my need for a new hobby...so I am terribly intrigued by genocide, and I love reading the histories (written by actual scholars, not some two-bit CNN reporter just hoping that introducing enough controversy and drama can get them a tv show or something...but at the same time, at least CNN is trying.  FOX and MSNBC, what do you people actually do, other than wonder why Muslims write about Jesus (holy sir derpington the third do you even know anything) and hire Al Sharpton (sorry thats the REVEREND alford sharpington the XIVth) to stir up the ol' racism pot some more) about what happened, how it happened, external peace efforts...its all super interesting, and incredibly depressing.  Like my-day-has-already-been-ruined depressing.  Even Arsenal winning today wouldn't offset how sad I feel.  Like today, (re)read about the Srebrenica OH SERIOUSLY BLOGSPOT SHEBANG IS A WORD BUT SREBRENICA OH WHOOPS DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT MATE THATS NOT A WORD well maybe this is why history is ignoring this particular genocide..."Srebrenica? that's not a word don't be silly" "tom, that's a place in Bosnia and Herzegovina-" "Bosnia? Herzegovina? you must be making this shit up! this isn't middle earth name some real places" oy vey.

So...where was I? Oh right so yeah I need to find a new hobby, something interesting to read.  Because this Hotel Rwanda bullshit is seriously killing me.  Wait I feel like I had something else I was also talking about...hmmm...OH RIGHT THAT VIDEO.  How badass is that shit? The word "classy" get used a LOT these days, but I'll be damned if what BVB produced isn't the epitome of...well, classy.  There really aren't synonyms for that, are there?  Well regardless, that video was unbelievable.  And how about that Serbian (Neven Subotic, for those of you curious) with the American accent? Didn't see that shit coming.  But reading wikipedia, we can see how this entire post is made up of completely unrelated YET COMPLETELY RELATED material: Subotic moved to the US (via Germany) from Bosnia...where he was escaping the war.  How's that for tying it all together?

#BVBBorussiaDortmund

#YouCan'tTeachClass

#WelcomeToAshburtonGrove

In the words of Kid Rock...

...which I only know from the snippets ESPN plays...GOD BLESS SATURDAY.

Honestly, is there a better day than Saturday?  There are six other days in the week, but I'm pretty sure at least five of them are awful, and Sunday is supposedly when God took the day off, so clearly he didn't give a shit what Sunday was all about when he was making the seven days of the week, so even if..you don't...like...college football (how could you not i mean seriously HOW COULD YOU NOT ROCKY TOP YOU'LL ALWAYS BE HOME SWEET HOME TO ME I MEAN SERIOUSLY THE ATMOSPHERE IS UNBEATABLE HAIL TO THE VICTORS VALIANT HAIL HAIL TO MICHIGAN THE BANDS ARE ALWAYS PLAYING SOME SORT OF AWESOME RENDITION OF SOMETHING (except notre dame those irish catholic leprechaun fools were literally just making noise for the entire third quarter) SHOUT ALOUD TO THE MEN WHO PLAY THE GAME TO WIN THE GAME ITSELF IS SUPER EXCITING.

Okay so I have some good news and bad news.  The bad news is I started writing that at 3:00 am when I was still super stoked about watching football with my Michibro for like 15 hours.  They say its the little things in life that matter, and I'll be damned if there's anything better than drinking beer, eating pizza and watching college football with some buddies on a glorious Saturday morning/afternoon/evening/Sunday morning.  What could possibly ruin cold beer, delicious pizza, and a sunny 'fall' day?

Oh son of a bitch what is this nonsense now? Akron? What is an Akron? Wait...the Zips? No...that can't be short for ZIPPER can it? Don't tell me a game between the Wolverines and Zips is CLOSE!

Oh my god you have to be kidding me is that A FUCKING ZIPPER ON YOUR HELMET!

You can't be serious in telling me that the iconic Winged Helmet is seriously struggling with a team whose mascot IS A FUCKING ZIPPER! and wait what's that on the helmet? A kangaroo? You're telling me that the animal you chose to represent a zipper...is a kangaroo? Accepting the shortened form "Zip," i think its safe to say that any animal chosen should be something really agile, or "zippy...something quick and shifty, right? Nope, a kangaroo.  The animal that jumps to places, and can't even jump backwards.  Sigh.

Well whatever, this is a team that hasn't won against a B1G team in 119 years (and it was Ohio State...how great is that?), and has won like 4 games the last 4 years, and hasn't won a road game in 5 years.  Brady Hoke hasn't lost at Michigan Stadium yet.  So I think it's safe to say...you can't be serious, right? That must be from the Onion, right? (nope, SI, but their reporting is just insulting to a profession that really doesn't require much intelligence or training or qualifications to begin with, so it might as well be the Onion).

Uhhh....uhhhhhh.....UHHHH GUYS WHATS HAPPENING SOMEONE HOLD ME THIS CAN'T BE REAL I'M GETTING PTSD FLASHBACKS TO THE EVENT-THAT-SHALL-NOT-BE-NAMED I HOPE NO ONE BRINGS THAT UP BECAUSE ITS GOING TO SEND ME INTO A FIT

OH YOU SON OF A BITCH I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST SAID THAT OH YOU MOTHER FUCKER MARK SNYDER OHHHH MY GOD  DID YOU REALLY JUST SAY THAT OH NO YOU DIDN'T WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE

I said there was good news.  I lied.  Well no, not really.  The good news is next time I return to El Blahgosphurr it probs won't be football related.  Well, not completely.  But one last thing:

Ladies and Gentleman, JOHNNY FUCKING FOOTBALL.

ERMAHGERD TERRNISS

If I had minions, the world would be fucked.

Seriously though there are times I'm honestly concerned about myself.  Like this morning, on my way to make #Octomon a reality...

Wait, what?

This lady was selling TWO solid monitors for 15 bucks.  I'm definitely sure I could resell each of them for between 25-50 each, so this was a mega steal.  Plus factoring in that it was 15 bucks and 11 am, I was definitely confident it wasn't a heist operation where I get shanked and robbed.

But then I had the following thought about counterfeiting money and how to get away with it.  So obviously stores and banks and shit, they all use some basic test to confirm that its a real twenty.  However, some dude on craigslist doesn't give a flying fuck.  So as long as they're solid fakes, not necessarily solid enough to pass tough scrutiny (aka no need to go overboard in spending on printing presses and plates to create fake 20s) you could definitely just buy a shitton of stuff off craigslist, then resell it to other people.

Boom.  Done.  More or less pure profit.  Find a 600 dollar computer, roll up with a roll of 20s, dude doesnt give a fuck he'll just count, make sure there are 30 of em and give you your shit.

Then go back onto craigslist...sell it for, idk, 400-500? Some dude like me will be like "yo steal alert" and then give you real money (because i'm not a fucking criminal, just someone who specializes in...how to say this...expediting the 'free' process? Using technical loopholes? Whatever it is, not really a criminal. Speaking of which...found a cicis nearby #gameon), and all of a sudden you traded 600 fake dollars (actual value: 15 years in prison) for 400 real dollars (actual value: no prison time, $400).  Seems legit to me.

Regardless, I now have two more monitors.  Add this in the the other 2 monitors I already had, plus the Mac and ASUS, and the new Samsung, plus the shitty Dell that no one in my group misses...that's 4 monitors for 4 computers.

Now I need to go run matlab (literally don't know what to do with all these extra windows) to verify that 4 monitors + 4 monitors = 8 AND OH SHIT IT DOES #HERE #WE #GO
- email
- gedit for the C code i'm writing
- this blog window
- pandora
- espn
- extra internet window
- espn2
- ????

Bonus points to whoever remembers that ballin beat.

TL;DR:

#octomon?

YES

WE


DID

#GigEm

#somethingsneverchange

So its 145 am.  You may be saying "hey ashwin whatcha doing up at 145 in the damn morning" WELL I'LL TELL YOU.

WATCHING THE FUCKING SAN FUCKING DIEGO FUCKING ASSCLOWNS BLOW A 21 PT LEAD.  NOT ONLY DID WE LOSE ON A LAST SECOND FG, HOUSTON SCORED 24 UNANSWERED TO END THE GAME.


GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

What a colossal kick to the nuts.

These undergrads will be the death of me.

Ugh these pesky undergrads are (#)@)_!@*! killing me...driving through campus and trying to park is a damn nightmare any time before noon...its almost as if I'm not supposed to come to campus before noon, let alone 9 am...but I definitely and absolutely know that if I try to work at home this is exactly what will happen (and I know this based on this is what I've done every single day until now, because I've never really had to do work at home (i wanna say they have a word for this...i'm researching it as we speak) so until today it's never been a problem):

- wake up

- stumble into bathroom

- see I haven't shaved in 21 days, get incredibly terrified by the walking man-beast yeti sasquatch thing staring at me

- realize its me, have a chuckle

- wonder if i should shave

- stroke the wonderfully thick and lustrous beard

- decide not to

- forget to brush because my brain goes "we've been in here for like 10 minutes surely you brushed"

- leave

- stare at random shit on the internet for a while

- wonder why my mouth tastes like death

- remember I didn't brush

- go brush

- decide to eat breakfast

- open every cabinet in kitchen

- realize that yet again all i have is peanut butter, nutella, bread, cereal and waffles in terms of food, and then gatorade, milk and vanilla coke in terms of liquid.

- wonder if i should get something else

- realize that if i do nothing all do then i'll not burn calories thus precluding that caloric intake isn't necessary

- get really hungry 3 hours later

- clench teeth and proclaim to no one in particular "you will not beat me in a mind-game, stomach! I AM BETTER THAN YOU"

- eventually stomach concedes defeat

- at this point its roughly noon, the movie's done and i've been playing video games for like 3 hours

So yeah, this process will more or less repeat itself all day unless I come in to mein cubicle to work.

http://www.mden.com/shopping/product.cgi?5146+2058

loooook what i found! :3

Here's a picture of Michigan State's superstar Gary Harris wearing a Maize Rage shirt:

Sing it with me Gar-bear!

HAIL TO THE VICTORS VALIANT
HAIL TO THE CONQUERING HEROES
HAIL HAIL TO MICHIGAN
THE LEADERS AND THE BEST!

HAIL TO THE VICTORS VALIANT
HAIL THE CONQUERING HEROES
HAIL HAIL TO MICHIGAN
THE CHAMPIONS OF THE (MID)WEST!



hahah he looks just like "omg guys really what is this izzo is gonna kill me if he sees this"

#OzilIsAGunner

Just a friendly PSA that you all should take very seriously.

Because I'm a big fan of me, and I'd really rather not die.

If Mesut Ozil signs for Arsenal, around 11 am someone needs to call the Knoxville Police, specifically whatever alcohol poisoning wing they have, because I will definitely be throwing down the Guinness in celebration.

And if AW signs no one (using the old "getting players back from injuries is like a new signing" bullshit) someone needs to call the same alcohol poisoning wing because the day after Michigan lost the you know what to you know who was just a rough day in terms of not being able to eat all day and throwing up straight rum, and I don't want to deal with that shit again.  The obvious solution is to not care this much about Arsenal BUT THATS NOT EVER GONNA HAPPEN COME ON YOU GUNNERS!

ARSENE WENGER'S RED ARMY

LOOK AT THAT FACE



LOOK AT THAT GLORIOUS MUG

THAT VISAGE

THAT...COUNTENANCE

THAT PHYSIOGNOMY


mmmmmm.

The face that launched a thousand transfer requests #HelenOfTroy #ArseneOfLondon #StepoffBitch

GIROUD
GIROUD
GIROUD IS ON FIYAH








I will admit r/coys you didn't bitch out on the wager with r/Gunners.

Look at that shiny Arsenal crest!

Victoria Concordia Crescit

HE MAY BE CAST IN BRONZE, BUT HE'S STILL CAPABLE OF TRULY GOLDEN MOMENTS!







But seriously click on that Thierry Henry pic.  How's that for some friggin hi-res shit, eh?  I'm feeling nice so bonus Thierry Henry photo plus some free Lio Messi trash talk:

I can't...hear what Lio Messi is saying...I have a WORLD CUP stuck in my ears...










Oh I'm feeling extra happy about the spectacular NLD from earlier so here's another shot plus a poem!

ROSES ARE RED

VIOLETS ARE BLUE

ARSENAL FIVE

TOTTENHAM TWO









But seriously on that Mesut Ozil thing.  I'm a huge fan of Germany as well, as we all know, so I would just be tickled pink if anozza Germahn ver to joyn ze skvad vit Per und Poldi.

Ladies and Gents don't drink and blog.

Bunsenburner Calldispatch, at your service

http://benedictcumberbatchgenerator.tumblr.com

Oh what a satisfactory weekend

Shit started off Friday with a PicNuke (hahahahahahah i get it do you get it oh you don't get it well let me tell you the word is actually picnic and its the Nuclear Engineering department and Nuke sounds like Nic and god damn it I fucking hate the people in charge of UTNE's community activities wing #undergraduatesaresoannoying #mirite) anyway so the park we went to for this shindig was pretty chill - it had a river-y stream thing running through it.

But there was this sign, which basically said "NIGGAS DONT TOUCH THE WATER SHIT IS A BIOHAZARD CUZ WE PUMP ALL THE SEWAGE OF KNOXVILLE THROUGH THIS STREAM SO SHIT IS LIKE A SERIOUS DEAL DON'T #@($*)@@%)( TOUCH IT" so when homeboy from Texas tried to be Colt McCoy (well really more like Case, who sucks ass lololol #fuckyoumackbrown #boomersooner) and lofted the shit 20 feet above Idabro's (bro from UIdaho) head into the river we were literally like "well ok time to find a new ball aint nobody got time fer biopoisons"

So yeah then after that had a minipar-tayh with okie and sam and some other people they knew...all I know is I got drunk, then roughly at 4 in the morning I made the decision to drive home (no regrets...I had been not drinking alcohol for 4 hours, and had been pissing it out and drinking water so in all seriousness it was fine.  Calm your shit) but one of the other chicas I had just met was all like "no you shouldnt drive home" and I was like "if you think i'm still drunk because i'm acting like a moron its only because we haven't met sober and you haven't learned I do dumb shit sober too" but she was like supremely annoying about the whole thing and I really wanted to sleep in my bed at home so I basically had to do a little juke and run down the street before she could fully get up and stop me #innerathlete

It was pretty much this.  My brain shut down and I flew down the parking lot.  I'm legitimately sure only Whitey couldve caught up to me, but considering I'm like 80 lbs and a foot taller I wouldve thrown him off me like a Limp Bizkit.






So yeah that was enjoyable.  I also got my final piece of furniture so operation #quadmon is complete.  In fact...given that I just purchased a new work laptop since moving my Mac back and forth from campus to home is a just a terrible idea from a hardware structure perspective (bought a Samsung ATIV Ultrabook...shits tight...but windows 8 is...weird.  it takes some getting used to, no doubt.) so I might even get to create my new hashtag #Quintmon.  But as of right now I'm still working with #quadmon at home...hold on I took a photo with el itouch

We can see the TV on in the middle of #quadmon with the Cal game on, and the Mac on sleep in the far right, and in the bottom left corner (hard to see since there was no lighting on that portion of the table at 2 am) theres the Samsung.






So yeah then Saturday I just stayed home and watched football all day while finishing off all the food in my home.  it was excellent.  Saw some college gameday, watched Johnny Manziel act like a true douchebag (I'm all for taunting but when you literally just avoided being suspended for the entire season for selling your signature DONT FUCKING JOKE ABOUT IT AS SOON AS YOU GET ON THE FIELD), saw 'Cuse throw away a winnable game, saw MissSt just suck at life, watched State roll Skip Holtz, blinked and saw Tennessee score 42 first half points, saw Meeechigan start off the post denard era with a solid win, thrillingly enjoyed the Clemson-Georgia game which lived up to all of the fanfare associated with it for the last 8 months, saw Cal nearly pull off a stunner, saw the Mad Hatter up to his old tricks (can't believe I didn't trust LSU #perfectweek) and I'll be damned if Todd Gurley doesn't win the Heisman before he leaves ol #GloryGlory.

Oh and today was glorious.  NORTH LONDON IS RED.

ONE-NIL,

TO THE ARSENAL!

ONE-NIL,

TO THE ARSENAL!

ONE-NIL,

TO THE ARSENAL!

ONE-NIL!

TO THE ARSENAL!