Honestly, is there a better day than Saturday? There are six other days in the week, but I'm pretty sure at least five of them are awful, and Sunday is supposedly when God took the day off, so clearly he didn't give a shit what Sunday was all about when he was making the seven days of the week, so even if..you don't...like...college football (how could you not i mean seriously HOW COULD YOU NOT ROCKY TOP YOU'LL ALWAYS BE HOME SWEET HOME TO ME I MEAN SERIOUSLY THE ATMOSPHERE IS UNBEATABLE HAIL TO THE VICTORS VALIANT HAIL HAIL TO MICHIGAN THE BANDS ARE ALWAYS PLAYING SOME SORT OF AWESOME RENDITION OF SOMETHING (except notre dame those irish catholic leprechaun fools were literally just making noise for the entire third quarter) SHOUT ALOUD TO THE MEN WHO PLAY THE GAME TO WIN THE GAME ITSELF IS SUPER EXCITING.
Okay so I have some good news and bad news. The bad news is I started writing that at 3:00 am when I was still super stoked about watching football with my Michibro for like 15 hours. They say its the little things in life that matter, and I'll be damned if there's anything better than drinking beer, eating pizza and watching college football with some buddies on a glorious Saturday morning/afternoon/evening/Sunday morning. What could possibly ruin cold beer, delicious pizza, and a sunny 'fall' day?
Oh my god you have to be kidding me is that A FUCKING ZIPPER ON YOUR HELMET!
You can't be serious in telling me that the iconic Winged Helmet is seriously struggling with a team whose mascot IS A FUCKING ZIPPER! and wait what's that on the helmet? A kangaroo? You're telling me that the animal you chose to represent a zipper...is a kangaroo? Accepting the shortened form "Zip," i think its safe to say that any animal chosen should be something really agile, or "zippy...something quick and shifty, right? Nope, a kangaroo. The animal that jumps to places, and can't even jump backwards. Sigh.
Well whatever, this is a team that hasn't won against a B1G team in 119 years (and it was Ohio State...how great is that?), and has won like 4 games the last 4 years, and hasn't won a road game in 5 years. Brady Hoke hasn't lost at Michigan Stadium yet. So I think it's safe to say...you can't be serious, right? That must be from the Onion, right? (nope, SI, but their reporting is just insulting to a profession that really doesn't require much intelligence or training or qualifications to begin with, so it might as well be the Onion).
Uhhh....uhhhhhh.....UHHHH GUYS WHATS HAPPENING SOMEONE HOLD ME THIS CAN'T BE REAL I'M GETTING PTSD FLASHBACKS TO THE EVENT-THAT-SHALL-NOT-BE-NAMED I HOPE NO ONE BRINGS THAT UP BECAUSE ITS GOING TO SEND ME INTO A FIT
OH YOU SON OF A BITCH I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST SAID THAT OH YOU MOTHER FUCKER MARK SNYDER OHHHH MY GOD DID YOU REALLY JUST SAY THAT OH NO YOU DIDN'T WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE
I said there was good news. I lied. Well no, not really. The good news is next time I return to El Blahgosphurr it probs won't be football related. Well, not completely. But one last thing:
Ladies and Gentleman, JOHNNY FUCKING FOOTBALL.
No comments:
Post a Comment