So I happened to be reminded recently of an event that I had almost forgotten about. I don't know how, because I usually [need to] remember the dumb shit I do for both legal reasons and general merriment reasons. Obviously I have to finish up reliving the wedding reception and postgame shindig, and I really had plans to, but I have no idea where to start. Oh fuck it, I'll give it a shot. No photos for you. Oh fine maybe one or three. Only because I need them to figure things out. It's like those series on the french ap exam where you have to figure out the story from the anachronistic photo order...except the photos are in order and this shit is in english.
So I guess the story starts at the reception, since the wedding itself was pretty boring. Just sitting still. Which I nailed, by the way. So yeah the show starts off with the best part - the open bar! Yeee. Dis gun b good.
Wait before I forget...I was recently reminded that I went to halloween senior year as Elie Wiesel. I was gonna try and make it some kind of wheel of fortune guessing game, before realising R S T L N E make up most of homeboy's name, so that wouldn't have been interesting. But man I have the BEST ideas. What a fantastic plan. A-7713. Brilliant.
Anyway so yeah open bar. Combined with the full catering...it was easily the most complete and healthiest meal I had eaten in months. And the first time I had gotten drunk in...shit. A few hours. That evening was the first time I had drunk since that afternoon. Shit. NO I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM. Shiiit. Oh well. As Turk once said...I do what I do when I do what I do. That's deep, man.
Actually I just realized the point of my analogy with the french exam. I can do the same thing I did for the zoo trip and tell the story through photos. Until my camera died, at least. Then we can free style it up. Hold on, this is gonna be excellent. Because I have no idea what ACTUALLY happened at the reception, because I was busy putting Annie Leibovitz to shame.
 |
| What an insanely fancy looking thing. Probably as good as a cake from Kroger, but needlessly more expensive. It's for eating. |
 |
| Cory told me that the best part of the "castle" was the chandelier. Homey wasn't wrong. Shit was gorgeous. I was absolutely enthralled by it all evening. |
 |
| This is the problem with short people. YOU MISS OUT ON THE CHANDELIER! |
 |
| That girl in the yellow smirked at me. Fuck you, random stranger. But Chandelier! CHANDELIER IS LOVE, CHANDELIER IS LIFE. |
 |
| Here are some people. It's surprisingly difficult to take a focused photo when you're downing as much alcohol as possible. Before other people got in line, of course. #priorities #justdoit |
 |
| This is my cousin Budi. There are many like him, but this one is mine. |
 |
| This dude was sitting lonely at a table for literally 15 minutes. Everyone else was socializing, seeing people, catching up, etc etc and this fool is just staring at the purple napkins all alone. I felt bad. Then I laughed. Then I felt bad for laughing. Then I laughed more. |
 |
| The official hired photo taker lady. I did a much better job for free. Just saying. My photos are spectacular. |
 |
| This is the DJ. He goes by JD. DJ JD. Beast mode. |
 |
| This my top nigga DJ JD. We absolutely bonded. How do you think I got songs that Sam didn't want played to be played? JD with the hookups. |
 |
| This is Maciej. Fuck you I tried. The timestamp was 7:11 pm. I was pretty hammered by this point. |
 |
| Oh yeah so I used my sneaky stealthy skills to sit in the groom seat while everyone else was doing normal, socially acceptable things. You guys are so boring sometimes. |
 |
| Like I said. My nigga JD. |
 |
| Took a photo of Michelle taking a photo of Cousin Budi. #photoception |
 |
| This is dreads. I have no idea who the fuck he is, but he looked pretty dapper. |
 |
| This is the dude who filled our cups with water. I felt like no one was appreciating his service to this community. So I had to take his photo for everyone to remember. #WaterRefillerMan2014 |
 |
| This was another server dude. He dropped off the champagne (more on that delicious nectar of the gods later), and unlike the dude above, I was unable to ambush him. He did ask the table 'what the heck is he doing who is that' to which Caitlin, Brett John and Maciej tried to explain, to no great effect. Psssh. I'm Ashwin, bitch. I do what I want. |
 |
| This is a photo of my lovely date Brett. <3 Brett. You are my flower (which I pinned to his wrist #truelove), my rock, my ahhh can't do it. You know who the fuck Brett is. |
 |
| These are some people. Doing things. Look not every photo is a winner okay? No idea who the oldies are in this. |
 |
| Nectar Of The Gods. This shit was AMAZING. |
 |
| So yeah my boy Maciej ran some interference for me while I snuck around behind the wedding table. I think everyone else was off eating dinner or something. |
 |
| Literally seconds before Sam flipped me a few birds. Let the record (because this photo is the record) show that the entire groom side is not at all surprised Ashwin is doing something retarded while the bride's side is still capable of being surprised by something I do. I love that. |
 |
| FauxAnnie and I traded off posed photos. She seemed nice. |
 |
| John looking rather consigned to the fact that I'm just snapping photos left and right. Whatever. |
 |
| This is Coburn. I think. I'm pretty sure. Actually...hmmm. Not sure. |
 |
| No I was right definitely Coburn. Hi Coburn. |
 |
| DAT ASS MIRITE |
 |
| The only time JD left the booth. Had to take a photo obviously. |
 |
| Bassil |
 |
| I cut my ankle open on something (shocker), and I couldn't really see it so I took a photo of it to get a better look. Yeah I wore tennis shoes to a wedding. Fuck you. Sam's family is racist and we don't get along. I had to be prepared. |
 |
| Aight white people yall are cool and all BUT YALL HAVE THE WEIRDEST TRADITIONS THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT |
 |
| I'll just leave this here. You can draw your own conclusions. |
 |
| DUDE I WASN'T LYING THAT CHANDELIER IS AMAZING. |
 |
| I think Maciej is trying to clap |
 |
| Yeah he's definitely trying to clap. |
 |
| That there is fine clapping form. I call these last three photos "Maciej Clapping by Maciej"by Ashwin |
 |
| White people. Never change. Who else would I laugh at? |
Other notable events that occurred after the camera died
- I danced to Celine Deon's "My Heart Will Go On" with a little boy I had never met before
- I did the photobooth thing. First photo I'm glaring at the screen, second photo I'm in the middle of an intricate gang symbol (or something), third photo is a super zoom of my #TeamPolarBear button, and I was just so pissed at photos 1-3 I just got up and left. It seemed appropriate.
- I got cut off by an open bar. Whenever you people think you've had some kind of insanely drunk adventure, just remember that you've never been cut off by an open bar. Just let that sink in. A free-flowing source of alcohol that, by definition, has no limits...cut me off. No idea why, I was crushing it. Now the post-game is where we needed an adult to supervise my intake. That is a whole different beast, and I'm pretty sure Papa Okowita is an alcoholic.
- All I remember is waking up under the sink. Not realizing I was under a sink, I just got up like I normally would and smashed my head into a bunch of metal pipes. Every time I feel sorry for annihilating that hotel room...I remember that it fought back and cut my head open.
Until next time, jackasses.
