My trip to the bank

'tis a riveting tale.

So there are no Wells Fargo in Knoxville.  Closest one is 60 miles away in NC, so I was like "hmmm...yeah that's not happening" so I closed my account yesterday, despite the ridiculousness of WF employees.  It was entertaining to hear them justify having an account where the nearest physical bank is a state away, I will admit.  Also, it turns out my Dad knows like maybe a dozen different people, and has been using them for various services (some guy at ACE hardware, his State Farm agent, this chick at the bank, etc.) and that's basically the limit of his ability to mingle with other people.  File that away under /thisexplainssomuch and we're on our way.

So today I went to BB+T, who have like a dozen banks within 10 miles of my apartment, and all hell breaks loose.  Turns out I don't know my mother's maiden name, or my father's birthday.  And apparently people know these things? #mustbenicetohaveanormalfamily  So I called vader up, had him come over and fill in some details.  It got way more fun from then, as he lost his mind when they mentioned 'overdraft coverage' in a manner I don't think anyone in BB+T has ever encountered when dealing with overdraft protection.  So that was weird.  And then when they made me choose my three security questions, he was like some freaking John Nash wannabe overthinking every question and making up random answers.  So this way, he says, with random nonsensical answers, no one can ever guess.  He somehow decided that MY inability to remember my dream retirement location and favorite relative and first pet's name (never had a pet #TheMoreYouKnow #CBSCares) is irrelevant in this equation. #wellalrightythen

Also he was signing off on some other shit (unrelated, he figured he'd just sit through the rest incase they tried to rip me off or something...idk i give up on deciperhing that mind) and was asking the BBT people the date...so earlier they took my driver's license (for obvious reasons) and noticed it was my birthday and all that.  And so when he asked them that they just paused and stared at him for like 20 seconds #youknowhowwedo

So yeah, story's not done.  This lady finishes shit up, prints off like 70 pages of crap, and asks me to sign.  I'm like "soooo I should read this but too much give me the tl;dr" and I sign off.  Then we go home and discover she typed the area code for Knoxville as 27919, and the shit didn't just hit the fan.  The shit fundamentally broke every atomic bond holding the fan together.  #Uhoh #YaFuckedUp

So yeah, considering the legal and financial implications, that was a fun storm to sail through with Capt. Haddock over here cursing like someone shot the sheriff.  But luckily that lady called us back and erethang appears to be fixed.

#FreePipita