So over the last few days I've been doing a lot of adult things, and it's been making me feel a little nostalgic, so I've decided to start compiling a list of memorable events from the last four years. To make it interesting, I'm going to try and cast the characters like a TV show synopsis.
Season 1 (Freshman Year)
"The One Where Jaden Buys Everyone Pizza" - Alex and Ashwin through minimal bullying convince moneybags Jaden Whateverhislastnameis that a round of Marco's for everyone is a reasonable expenditure.
"The One Where Lucas is creepy as shit" - The gang is chillin at the ballin end of the hall at like 2 or 3 am when Lucas comes frolicking downaways and convinces everyone to listen at Kendall have relations of the intimate nature. See hulu.com for exclusive behind-the-scenes footage of Lucas stealing Kendall's bike and a director's cut of Lucas getting WAY the fuck too excited about Shawshank Redemption!
"The One Where we discover 'wink' " - The gang is bored and decides that a game that operates like rugby without the ball on a fucking carpet is a goddamn good idea. Ashwin hates this game because it offers so much pain with so little gain. Plus Jaden sweats like he was wearing 3 parkas in the damn Sahara.
"The One Where we discover NC State Hockey" - The gang utilizes Okie's parents as a means of transportation to the hockey rink where we discover that shitty hockey is best hockey, and that hockey players are super intimidating when they're 10 feet away and you yell at them (totally unrelated sidenote: If I die of unnatural causes, it's probably because Brett instigated some bigass dude whilst pretending to be me) #SiddownSix
"The One Where we rediscover NHL01" - Brett and Ashwin discover a hidden link in their seemingly distant childhoods - NHL 2001. Brett then discovers how to beat the shit out of Joe Sakic, but Ashwin discovers how to score hattricks with Ray Bourque and relies upon the fact that it is impossible to hurt Roy in the game.
"The One Where we confirm friction" aka "The One Where Ashwin stops listening to white people about the joys of winter weather" (localized to Asia) - Rated NC17 for gore and digusting amounts of skin peeled off #TheBloodWasJustSittingThereNotEvenFlowing #NotToMentionThatFuckingEmphysemaIGotFromKendall
"The One Where Okie Met Sammy" - The gang goes to Crazy Mike's (cuz he's craaa-aaa-aaa-zzz-yy Mike!) and gets superdrunk while Ashwin and John team up to play "Strong Cop, Fast Cop" with a bunch of drunk idiots. Featuring guest stars Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal.
"The One Where We Spend a perfectly good Saturday at the hospital" - Jansen, Ashwin, Blancinho and Taytay roll up in a VW Buggie and after a Toys'r'us run start playing some good, ole'fashioned wiffle ball that gets interrupted by the Quad Special Olympics - specifically the Shwin Vault. Some scenes may contain graphics unsuitable for people with balls (except for Brett, naturally).
"The One Where we fucking massacred that exit sign" - Ashwin discovers that the exit sign can take a beating, and the gang decides to take every potential weapon - bat, racket, hockey stick, fists, pumpkins, Budi's forehead since he's a goddamn retard sometimes - and beat it mercilessly.
"The One Where we reinvented Hall Sports" - The gang discovers that an all guy hallway has many perks, including the ability to withstand far too much stupidity. Notable brilliant ideas including rolling duct tape down the hall, antagonizing Crazy Mike, frisbee, tennis, that crazy tennis Arjun and I played one day that ended with us beating each other with tennis rackets, Brett fucking rolling a goddamn pumpkin down the hallway, Brett RErolling a ductaped'up pumpkin down the hallway only for the tape to not hold and the pumpkin turns into a gatling gun of seeds, the time Ashwin tried to play curling with frozen beans and the bag exploded outside Lucas' door, the time we played hot potato with a fuckign pumpkin and Matt got hit in the face by a pumpkin and mattress jousting and many more!
"The One Where we went to the Beach" - The gang (minus Shwinbad the Sailor, ironically enough) goes to the beach, and idk what happened. They met Stumpy's parents, and it was a complete shocker that they seemed socially normal? That was my takeaway from that trip.
#FreePipita
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