MLS All-Star game tonight against AS Roma, which could be a good game, but all that matters is Thierry Henry is playing. Man I love Thierry Henry.
But before this whole post gets sidetracked by Mr Va-va-voom, let's deal with today's most pressing issues.
Crap damnit I just spent like 20 minutes watching Thierry Henry highlights. #whatever #standupspeakup
Also is this seriously a thing http://denver.cbslocal.com/2013/07/09/effort-to-create-new-state-called-north-colorado-grows/ maybe this is why marijuana is illegal you fucking druggies. #thisisdefinitelywhywecan'thavenicethings
Dear Amy: I recently published my first book. Although it is fiction, a lot of the events and c haracters are based on my real-life experiences and the main character is based on me (though her actions are very different from mine).
I wrote the book under a pen name because I was afraid of negative feedback, but I told a few friends who I thought I could trust.
One of these friends, however, does not like the way I portrayed a character that I loosely based on her.
Instead of coming to me with her concerns (in a phone call or an email) she has written an online review that is more of a personal attack on me than a review of my book.
She has accused me of "viciously attacking" her, of "not being over my jealousy of her," and "needing counseling."
None of this is true.
My editor says that I shouldn't have to defend my work and that I should not respond and risk my reputation as a writer. I am, however, sad that I may have lost, and definitely damaged, this friendship. What, if anything, would be the best way to approach her? — Writer
Dear JK Rowling,
You don't need to hide behind a pen name! We know who you are...yeah your book sucked, but your name alone should allow you to milk millions out of consumers before they realize that! So who cares what your "friend" think, you can make millions writing some shitty book for each demographic, make millions and buy new friends! Hell you can rent my friendship services for like 5000 down 139 a month for 36 months (that nissan commercial yesterday looked dope)! You can paint me as beelzebub-meets-sandusky-plus-hitler and i won't give a shit! It's called fiction for a reason (plus I seriously don't give a shit #seriousoffer #callme #SouthernStatesNissan). But wow I gotta admit its hilarious that someone would think a published author is "jealous" of her...bitch go write your own book. It sounds like she's just pissed because...actually who knows she's a woman for all I know she's pissed because Pluto isn't a planet anymore. And I absolutely LOVE that people make fun of NASA about it, as if they had remotely anything at all to do with Pluto being downgraded to dwarf-planet (let's be real its just a hunk of boring rock...no interesting gaseous properties at all...who actually gives a shit. Besides if NASA named every TNO a friggin planet the solar system would have millions of planets and if everyone is a planet then no one is a planet). Anyway you should be like bitch erethang aint bout you and then smack her upside the head with a pot and say "did this happen to (character she thinks is a ripoff of her) in the book? HUH? DID IT?" and for good measure hit her again.
Dear Amy: I'm a single mom in a serious relationship with a guy for almost three years. He's very caring and honest. I know he loves me a lot. He loves my daughter, too.
The problem is that he lives with his parents one hour away, and we only see each other once a week.
When we first met, he made a promise to me that after a year, if our relationship works out, we will get married. After two years I asked him about marriage, and he said he's not ready. We didn't talk for a whole month after that.
He is from a different background and religion, and his family controls him.
His family doesn't know about me. He's too scared to tell his parents about us. What should I do? — N
Dear what could be any Indian or terrorist Middle Eastern person (hahaha #bassil #lololol #yeraterrorist,'arry),
Ummmm...hmmmm...idk...we could try fucking communicating our concerns? Yeah let's try that out and see what happens:
situation 1: it goes well. #whoopdedoo #fuckyou #fuckyourhappiness #ihopegeorgerrmartinkillswhoeveryoulovemost
situation 2: it doesnt go well #huzzah #thereisagod #noi'mnotangry #nope #notatall
subsituation A: he has to break up with you #partyrockisinthehousetonight #erebodyjusthaveagoodtime
subsituation B: he defies his parents' will, breaks free of their Israeli control, and everyone lives happily ever after #fuck #ihatethisgame #ughwhere'slemonysnicketwhenyouneedhim
subsituation C: he tries to defy his parents' will, it kind of works kind of doesn't, and now you've totally screwed up your daughter's understanding of how parenting and the real world works #soshe'sbasicallyasiannow #mightaswelleatthepetdog #racism #standupspeakup
subsituation D: note, this is most likely - it doesn't work, shit ends, and his PLO-based family uses their Hamas government and fucking bombs your entire neighborhood, before sending in suicide bombers to blow everything else to hell, and now you have an entire religious sect that hates America and white people just because "someone wanted to get married" #ihopeyou'rehappy #9/11isonyourhands #tradedpersonalhappinessfor9/11 #whatswrongwithyou #youwhore #ihopeyourotinhell #neverforget
In conclusion, don't have a child out of wedlock you slut. This is all your fault, and I'll shower your daughter in change when I run into her in like 10-15 years because you raised your daughter like a terrible human being.
for the love of god arsene wenger #signsomeone #FreeANYONE #ANYONEATALL #IDONTEVENCAREWHOATTHISPOINT
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