Dear Amy: I am a 17-year-old woman. I do not want children and cannot picture having any. I am a very bright student with a lot of drive and a full college scholarship waiting for me next year, so it is safe to say that I am taking my life and future career to a far higher level than the ordinary stay-at-home mother.
I have decided I want to have surgery in order to guarantee against ever becoming a parent, and yet family and friends scoff at me for making this decision. I know that numerous men and women out there have found their children to be the light of their lives and have no regrets (even if the children were not planned), but parenthood is just something I do not want. A baby is not going to make me happy. I am going to be the one to make me happy.
How do I show to the people I know that, although I am young, I am not going to change my mind on the baby subject tomorrow, next month, next year or even when/if I am 35 and single?
If I ever really do want a kid of my own, he or she will be an older adoptee, and I will have lived a pretty fulfilled life; I'll be financially and emotionally ready to give that child everything they need. How can I convince people I want to be surgically sterilized? — Of Sound Mind
Dear Mindless,
You are a fucking child, you arrogant twit. You're a teenager with the ego of Mt. Rushmore...who are you to claim that you are "bright" with "a lot of drive"...offer some proof you Jadenesque fraud...where is this scholarship even to? I got a full ride to EC-freaking-U but that's not the basis of my claims of intelligence! Once again, you're a teenager. Who do you think you are, knowing what you want to to do and don't do for the next 60 years? Let me remind you, you drama queen, that Dumbledore thought the suppression of muggles "for the greater good" was a fantastic idea. Even DUMBLEDORE didn't know what he wanted to do with the rest of his life at age 17, and you think you do? ARE YOU BETTER THAN DUMBLEDORE? ARE YOU? No one cares if this is your eventual decision, people are just astounded that your arrogant teenage brain thinks it knows best for the rest of your life. But then again, maybe I need to reread that sentence...having a baby necessitates sex (more or less #testtubebabies go shut the fuck up), but just to be sure you don't get pregnant it sounds like you're gonna abstain. Which makes sense, given your statement "I am going to be the one to make me happy," as it implies that you'll just masturbate for the next 70 years, a self-pleasure method I'm fairly sure (like 86%) won't produce babbies. Ok I just read the last sentence...YOURE A FUCKING NUT. WHAT THE HELL I DONT WANT TO PLAY ANYMORE. Fuck it do what you want no one even likes you, and no one really cares. It's a cruel world, and if some self-absorbed bitch doesn't have a baby maybe it's better that way? Idk teenagers rarely have good ideas anyway #otherthanhallsports #hallsportsisbestsports.
Dear Amy: I am in a bind. My new girlfriend not only likes to spoon but also snores like a grizzly bear right in my ear. I'm a very light sleeper.
She wants me to be intimate and then stay the night. We have discussed her snoring (she feels embarrassed).
I told her if she wants me to be with her she is asking for a disrespectful "hit and run," because I can't sleep with her due to her snoring and have to go to work the next day. Should I just break this off now? We are both 50 years old, and I'm not about to ask her to change her ways? — Snored Out
Dear Snoranasorus Rex,
Waaah! Waaaaah! Someone loves me! Waaaaaaah! FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR SHIT.
Dear Amy: Much of our community life revolves around a swim team for kids and teenagers. During the summer, the team dominates activities at the pool, and most of the neighborhood children end up joining it at some point. Our son has been very slow to learn to swim and has not shown an interest in the team. As a result, our family has been ostracized at the pool, despite efforts on my part to organize "moms' nights out" with neighbors and invite kids over to our house for play dates.
My son is progressing and may join the team someday, but it breaks my heart to see the other kids excluding him because he can't join them in the deep water. How can we enjoy our pool in the meantime? This feels like high school all over again? — Exasperated
Dear First World Problems,
Holy cow! What a problem! So lil nig doesn't seem to want to swim. I'm no rocket scientist, but...hmmm...maybe he shouldn't be forced to swim? Idk just my two cents, and I'm sure your luxurious pool lifestyle probs doesn't care about a piddly two cents, so just throw him (literally) into the deep end, where he'll either learn to swim there (congrats you've got a quick learner who wants to live! and he'll make those shitty friends you want him to have) or he'll drown (well at least now you can try again) and die and won't you feel like a shithead for wanting your boy to learn how to swim just so YOU don't feel ostracized. Wow was this seriously a tough problem for you? Oh no kids are excluding him by going to the deep-end! It's almost as if children are assholes! Maybe he wants to play baseball or soccer or something...where he can make friends there? Idk you seem like a shitty parent...OMG YOU AND SHIT-FER-BRAINS FROM ABOVE SHOULD HAVE A DISCUSSION WHY NEITHER OF YOU SHOULD REPRODUCE!
Ahhhhh...I like this. I'm going to do this more often.
And screw Pipita...Madrid is being meanieheads
#FreeSuarez #You'llAlwaysWalkAlone
No comments:
Post a Comment