Just Hail baby Hail

to whom, you might ask? to the Victors, of course! Don't follow what I'm saying? Well you can go shove off, because football's back!  But it's a preseason game, ashwin! don't give a shit! But you didn't even watch it! still don't give a shit! gigantic men running into each other for 3 hours every week for the rest of the year! huzzah!

Hail To The Victors Valiant
Hail To The Conquering Heroes
Hail Hail To Michigan
The Champions Of The West!

Hail To The Victors Valiant
Hail To The Conquering Heroes
Hail Hail To Michigan
The Leaders And The Best!

GO BLUE! #Team134

Dear Amy: Do you believe a person can be asexual? I am a 40-year-old male who has never dated or had a girlfriend. I just don't have the desire or feel the need to be sexual. Being this way has ruined my life. I have very little self-esteem/self-confidence. I am so jealous of everyone else. I have accomplished very little in 40 years.

I have tried therapy over the years. and it really doesn't help. I want to know if you think I would be a good candidate for testosterone therapy. My testosterone has always been on the low end of normal.

The therapist I am currently seeing said it is odd that my testosterone has never fluctuated. Do you have any advice? — Asexual

Dear Biology 101,

AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAHHAH...OH MY GOD.  This is the epitome of pathetic...this is what giving up on life looks like.  You are literally the worst human being ever.  You have no desire to accomplish anything, you are jealous of everyone else, and key point, you feel no need to do the one biological activity that defines a species: reproduction.  You are LITERALLY the worst human being ever.  You are the prime example of devolution, the exception that proves the rule.  You are a sad, sad man, and I have NO IDEA why you are asking AMY FUCKING DICKINSON (no relation to Bruce Dickinson, unfortunately) biology questions.  What she believes is scientifically immaterial.  Holy crap you are a sad sad man.  Maybe one day you'll wake up with a throbbing pain in your side and produce another human #asexual reproduction #Athenawasbornthisway #sowasEve #butthebroadateafuckingapple #andnowwe'reallfuckingscrewed #thisistheultimate'thisiswhywecan'thavenicethings'

Dear Amy: A relative recently asked to stay with us. She arrived two hours late and didn't call. I skipped a meeting to be home when she arrived, as that seemed like the appropriate thing to do.

After she arrived, she immediately sat down and started texting shortly after she put her bags down. After 20 minutes of watching her do this, I said I was going to bed because it was so late.

We had to wake her up the next morning at 10:30 for breakfast. She left to visit friends and came back two days later — same thing. No thank-you when she left — nothing. Should I have said something or just tell her the guest room is booked next time? — Furious

Dear you better hope 'bitch' isn't hereditary,

Man she was a bitch wasn't she? Wowzers talk about inconsiderate.  This also seems pretty easy to diagnose...just tell her that the visit sucked, she was a total cunt the whole time, and you don't want her to come back and be an unappreciative gluesniffer.  Again, not sure how asking Amy will help you realize she was a terribad guest.

Dear Amy: Responding to the letter from "Grandma," whose grandson blamed the umpire when he struck out, when my son was young he couldn't hit a baseball no matter how hard he tried.

A wise coach on his Little League team took him aside and taught him to bunt, which is somewhat easier to do than swinging away. He never hit a home run, but he didn't embarrass himself anymore either. Baseball actually wasn't his "game" — but soccer was? — Proud Dad

Dear I'm not really sure what this letter is about,

"taught him to bunt"? What is there to teach? you literally just hold the bat out parallel to the ground and let the ball hit it.  Is your son retarded? How do you not get how to bunt? You let the ball hit the bat, so it doesn't go very far, and then you run like hell.  I think the fact that someone had to explain how to bunt is embarrassing enough for the kid.

Also are you a retard? What kind of sentence is "Baseball wasn't actually his 'game' - but soccer was?" No seriously, I don't understand that question.  What is the answer? "Yes.  Yes, soccer was.  Very good." "No, soccer wasn't.  Try again" "Potato chips...hmmm I agree let's try potato chips" SERIOUSLY WHAT KIND OF QUESTION WAS THAT.  This is all Ron Weasley's fault.

#8DaysOfRaleigh #WhenISaidIWantedHiguainAtTheEmirates #IDidn'tMeanInANapoliKit #OyVey