So I read some funny story in the newspaper this morning that 'drinking and walking' is dangerous too...which seemed odd, because I just assumed that drinking and walking (aka NOT driving) was a responsible alternative to drinking and driving. I dunno, I didn't really read the whole article, but I thought that was amusing.
http://imgur.com/gallery/wBCEMFm
I...ummm...hmmm...does this...ummmm...sound a bit...ughhh hmmm...I...hmmmm...yrkkkk...roflmao #pawningyourweddingringisnotajob
Dear Amy: I am an attractive 70-year-young woman who has been going to a therapist for two years for depression. The depression is much better now. However, I have been gradually losing my hair. I come from a family of women with thinning hair, and my mother and grandmother both wore wigs as older women.
After much soul-searching, research and trial-and-error, I bought a very realistic silver-gray wig and started wearing it.
It looks great. My sister didn't even realize it was a wig. People just say that my hair looks good. I am divorced and trying online dating, so I feel I need all the help and confidence I can get. Believe me, my wig doesn't look like Dolly Parton's big hair.
I've observed that it is acceptable for men to have thinning (or no) hair, but not women.
This week — out of the blue — my therapist told me I was "wearing a mask for society." When I asked what she meant by that, she said she was referring to my wig and that my own hair wasn't that bad.
Now I'm wondering if I am hiding my real self by wearing a wig.
Any comments from you or your readers? — Reluctant Wig-wearer
Dear self-absorbed,"I am an attractive 70-year-young woman" yeah you sure seem depressed and not at all vain or anything. Nope you seem just like the kind of excellent person we all hope to age as. I'm proud to be an America, where I'm vain as I can be (hey that even fit into the lyrics #surprisewin). Your therapist spouted some fancy sounding bullshit (aka any analysis paper written in an English class ever) to justify some ridiculous fee to support the ridiculous notion that s/he knows what's good for you.
Guess what lady a) we all wear masks b) no one gives a shit if you do c) let me say that again d) NO ONE GIVES A FLYING FUCKING SHIT IF YOU DO. I wear glasses. I'm going to say that roughly half of America (if not more) wear some sort of visible/trivially invisible (...contact lenses you nutjobs) corrective lenses...omg mask. I'm masking my true blind self. What will the neighbors say? omg omg I DONT GIVE A SHIT WHAT THEY SAY BECAUSE I'M A STRONG BLACK WOMAN WHO DONT NEED NOBODY. Calm your egotisticalness down Dolly Parton...I want to insult you on that front so much but I'm going to Tennessee for the next five years and I think it's a state crime to insult Dolly Parton so I don't want to take that risk.
Fuck it just use rogaine you vapid shell of a 70-year-OLD YOURE OLD LADY DEAL WITH IT female entity.
Dear Amy: I am a woman in her mid-40s who divorced five years ago. I have recently started dating for the first time in many years. What is the proper protocol for who pays the dinner bill on a first date with someone I've met through an online service like Match.com? — Dating Again
Dear ohohoho feminazis come at me,
You should totally let the man pay, right? I mean youre a woman, he's the male, that's what gender equality is all about! You're a pretty little lady so you shouldn't be expected to pay your meal, let some random dude you met on the internet take care of that! Ah, gotta love gender equality >:|
Seriously? YOU PAY HALF. YOU FUCKING SPLIT IT- GAHHHHHHHHHHH HOW IS THIS A HARD CONCEPT. What did you expect, some fucking intense function that spits out random percents based on how you feel?
Goddamn if this is the worst problem in your life I want to be you.
Dear Amy: I used to think like "Of Sound Mind" when I was her age. At 17, she felt certain she would never want to have children.
I'm glad I didn't make any permanent choices at that age. Now I am 29, pregnant with our second child and very happy about it.
Please tell this young woman that I respect her for knowing what she wants right now, but that her dreams don't have to be sacrificed when you choose to start a family. There's plenty of room for both children and ambition? — Working Mom
Dear blahblahblah i can have opinions too,The letter she's referencing was our very first one! About that 17 year old bitch who thought she knew more than Albus Dumbledore, or something to that effect. I don't really remember much, other than she was a complete dumbass who wanted some superinvasive surgery because she didn't want to have kids...idk don't have sex? No wait we addressed that! She's just gonna jack off for the next 65 years. Wow what a nut.
But on the other hand, I distinctly remember her getting her panties in a twist about the fact that people who know better than her, have lived life longer and are just overall smarter than her were respectfully giving her advice but she was basically a toddler throwing a tantrum about it, so I hope she reads this letter too and writes back! Won't that be fun?
#7DaysOfRaleigh #MakesOneWeak #Hahahahahah #Ahahahahah #Sigh #ArseneWengerSignAnyone #LiterallyDon'tEvenCareWho #SuarezForceAMove #JesusTakeTheWheel
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