I think I'm qualified to do some football analysis (because a wolverine sounds like a wolf, and wolfpack inherently implies multiple wolves, and you can go fuck yourself whatever dickwad is gonna go Carolus Linnaeus up in here). The League is by far a top3 fav show of mine, being "The Real Husbands Of Hollywood" and CBS' "Selection Show" (you can take me out of Tobacco Road, but I'll be damned before you take the Tobacco Road out of me), and as some of you know, I've been watching all of it for many reasons a) its fucking hilarious b) Ruxin and Raffi are my niggas c)idk football. On that note, I'm torn. To absolutely no one's surprise, I hate UNC. And I LOVE watching Steve Spurrier lose. Plus you all know my saying, "NORTH CAROLINA IS BEST CAROLINA" but that mainly extends to my house and the ten foot sphere of influence around me. And never Chapel Hill. Regardless, I'm rooting for USC_wrong. #WelcomeToTheCockPit But seriously I love a good immature joke as much as the next guy but seriously youre the "Fighting Gamecocks"? Also, I want to use this time to note that everywhere across the country teams with "Indian" nicknames are subjected to scrutiny, but not Notre Dame. They have laid claim to an entire country of angry drunk famine'd folk, and portray them has happy-go-lucky leprechauns. Not to steal from the Stanford Band, but seriously no one else sees this? But I suppose it makes sense that the catholics dehumanize Ireland as opposed to VC because lets be real Ireland is far more catholic than the Vatican. At least they stopped attacking non-catholics, I'm pretty sure the IRA is still an active terrorist organization. Whatever.
My point is I want to be like Arjun and make a video of weekly picks, but dear god I have some shame left in me, and I don't have that much hubris. Okay well I do but god damn the man looked and sounded retarded. Regardless, UNC is going to get shat on, Clemson is going to choke and Murray will lead dem Dawgs to a clutch victory, NC State will attempt to pull a Clemson but will accidentally not and end up beating LTU, The NotredameBroadcastingChannel will have some boringass game at an optimal time slot, the fighting Mike Leaches will crush Benny the War Eagle, CJ Mosley will eat whatever the VT's QB is named, Les Miles will rip out his own heart and give it to his stable of running backs late in the fourth to make sure the second best team in Texas doesn't get an upset, and Cal will end Northwestern's attempts to finally make the NCAA Tournament. And on Labor Day Doak Campbell is making a 20+ trip north to Pittsburgh to welcome the "we-wish-it-was-1980" Panthers to the ACC in a very "we-wish-they-brought-lube" kind of way.
Anyhoo I really wanted to analyze these various fantasy teams from The League. Because I'm bored and literally have no work to do.
A fantasy football team consists of the following players, just for reference.
- 1 Quarterback (QB)
- 2 Running Backs (RB)
- 2 Wide Receivers (WR)
- 1 Flex RB/WR/TEs (RB/WR/TE)
- 1 Tight End (TE)
- 1 Placekicker (K)
- 1 Team Defense/Special Teams (DST)
So Jenny has a solid QB, Mr. Rodgers, from...ummm...well some university in California. Can't really remember the full name, but I'm fairly confident Johnny knows. Ask him. She also has a fantastic FIVE running backs, including the well-spelled Knowshon Moreno, who I'm pretty sure he got his name when his dad said to the mother "hey you know sean? it's a great name, dontcha think?" She also seems to be missing some WR's. But she did manage to score exactly 1 TE, a defense, and one kicker. But seriously 5 running backs? what the fuck is going on. Even Georgia Tech doesn't use that many RBs in a game.
Now Taco...Taco is missing a QB. Even if football isn't your thing, I'm sure we can agree that you kinda need a QB. But apart from that, as we go down the list we see that Taco has a surprisingly decent team. He has 2 RBs plus some depth (one could say he technically has the Best running back...hey Johnny remind me where Mr. 6 ypc went to school?). But then you see this nig has FOUR FUCKING KICKERS. Not only that, but 3 of them suck, and the fourth I fucking hate. But regardless, a third of this dude's team is literally special. Oh god what a team. This isn't fucking soccer, you don't need 3 people standing over the ball all debating how to take the free kick "well I want to aim for the post" "well I want you to lay it off for me" "well I want you to run over it and fake that so i can draw the goalie in and then cross it over to the far post" NO THIS IS FOOTBALL YOU KICK THE SHIT THROUGH THE UPRIGHTS THATS FUCKING IT. THERE'S NO ()#@$*#)!$(*% STRATEGY JUST KICK THE DAMN THING.
Similarly we see that Kevin has a plethora of Quarterbacks. Similarly, there's only really one QB on the field at any given time...so don't go giving Chip Kelly and RichRod retarded ideas to start using involving Kevin's 3 QBs and Tacos 4 kickers. That will just turn into Rugby, especially when you mix in Jenny's half a dozen RB situation.
Can't really see Pete's team, but we can see that he has two defenses. Now even if you have never seen a football game before, I think we can conclude THAT AT ANY GIVEN POINT ONLY ONE DEFENSE IS ON THE FIELD. Never does a coach receive the kickoff and think "heheheh if we send out our defense the other team will be SO confused" "yes you wannabe trickster they will be confused for about a second before you have champ bailey play QB and the other team just abuses youre retardedness"
Somehow Chuck has a good team, in terms of both quality and legality. Actually....that's a real good team. Drew Brees is a stat machine, well the RBs could be better but Andre Johnson and Calvin Johnson? And Green Bay's defense? Yikes Chuck has a team.
But Ted. Ted...Ted Ted Ted. What happened? You didn't even bother drafted 2/3 of the football team. It's one thing to joke "oh shit our team has a super offense but no defense...we can only win shootouts haha" well, sherlock, its a completely different thing to NOT EVEN HAVE A _#@$*)#( DEFENSE. And kicker? nah those PATs and KOs are fucking optional. Whatever.
Plus all these people have teams of different sizes. Taco has 13 players and Ted has 6. God I love this show.
As I've established, I legitimately don't have work to do yet, until I get some software from Oak Ridge and a facility walkthrough next week...and my professor is out of town in the Czech Republic doing...well doing something. he sent us a photo from a reactor so I assume its academic. But regardless not going to class tomorrow so basically one more class till fubhaaaaw is back. Yaaaaaaay!
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