Happy birthday Jimmy Wales!

Without your wonderful creation, I would have never been able to learn that your birthday is today! So huzzah to you, you magnificent bastard!

Also it's amazing how much of a hassle moving out-of-state is...ugghhhhh...I don't want to think about that right now...ughhhhh...but on the plus side I never unpacked anything once I boxed it all up back in June, so that's convenient.

It's depressing when the highlight of my day is spending 2 hours on the phone with AT&T...meh.

Let's talk about Hagrid for a minute, can we please? He is a half-giant, as we all know, which indicates that his father is a "normal" human and his mommy was a 20 ft giantess.  The implication is that the two of them (the 5'7" male and the 20" female) had intercourse...now I've never seen a 20 ft tall woman, but I'm imagining it as a normal looking woman with the proportions dictating how everything...is...and man that's just so unnerving how it happened...like Hagrid's pop probs could've heard an echo or something...that's just weird.  I bet JK Rowling was high as shit when she imagined up that scenario #lsd #magic

Anyhoo, on to solving today's pressing matters:

Dear Amy: My sister was recently able to contact a niece whom we have not seen since she was 12 years old. She's now almost 30. The niece responded cordially and said she would like to resume a relationship. Her condition is that we not inform her father (our brother) of any information we receive from her.

My brother is estranged from his two children, but we don't know the reason. My brother has very little contact with me and refuses my requests for visits, but we do communicate occasionally by email and telephone calls. I would like to have a relationship with my niece, but I don't like the idea of concealing information from my brother. Can you offer any advice? — Wondering

Dear Broken Framriry,

Sounds like she's committed some crimes that she doesn't want her pops to know about...insurance fraud perhaps? Maybe some mail fraud? Hmmmmm that looks like a red flag to me...I'd say agree to the call, but record it surreptitiously (just so you know I accidentally spelled that right the first time and I'm mighty proud of myself right now #it'sanIndianthingapparently #isitinyou #staythirstymyfriends) just in case you need to call the FBI later.

And your brother doesn't want a relationship with you, so who cares about the concealing? Two wrongs DO make a right.  If I do something mean to you, then I'm winning, so the score isn't even.  But if you then do something mean back (aka another wrong, but has to be of equal meanness as my blow), then the score settles and we're back to square 1.  Three lefts also make a right, so therefore two wrongs makes three lefts, so one wrong is a left and a half, or one left is 2/3 of a wrong.  So someone with "two left feet" has committed 4/3 of a wrong.  And similarly a 'right-hand-man' is worth three 'left-hand-man'...so it's better to be right-handed than left-handed...but what about ambidextrous people? He is both a left-hand-man and a right-hand-man...i think the two combine, turning him into a 4/3-right-hand-man to indicate he is 33% better than a normal right-hand-man...but what if we take into account the old 3/5 rule? so a minority right-hand-man is 20% more than a single left-hand-man...so a handful of minority right-hand-men (aka 5) is worth 9 white left-hand-men.  But this is ignoring that a left-hand-man is ALSO 2/3 of a wrong.  So one minority is 80% of a wrong, so 5 minorities is 4 wrongs, whereas 3 whites is 2 wrongs.  So 15 minorities are 12 wrongs whereas 15 whites are 10 wrongs.

In conclusion, we have mathematically shown why there are more minorities in jail than white folk.Q MUTHAFUCKIN E D #science

What was the question? whatever I definitely don't care we just did something magical.

Dear Amy: After 40 years of marriage, I reconnected with an old boyfriend on Facebook. We got together a few times and ended

up being intimate. His wife found out, and he broke off any further contact.

He confided in me that he had cheated on her with another woman on an ongoing basis for a year.

My problem? I can't get over him. I have been in love with him for all these years, never got over him, and find I still have feelings for him. How do I get over these feelings? My husband has no idea I cheated on him this one time; otherwise, I have been faithful to him for all these years. I realize these types of letters are usually written by much younger people, but I still have feelings for this man. What should I do? — Lost

Wow you're a fucking cunt.  I hope you die in a horrible horrible way.  Like you accidentally eat a small rock, it slightly punctures some organ, and slowly the hole it produced rots away and you die in complete and total misery.

Also I'd like to point on in Amy's actual answer...NO WHERE DOES SHE SAY APOLOGIZE TO THE HUSBAND FOR CHEATING ON HIM.  THIS IS DEFINITELY WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS, YOU CHEATING BROAD.  I HOPE YOU GET HERPES OF THE AORTA AND DIE BECAUSE THAT SORE HAS CLOGGED UP THE WHOLE THING THAT WHEN A STENT WAS INTRODUCED TO CLEAR IT THE THING POPPED AND YOU HAVE HERPES EVERYWHERE #translatethatintosignlanguage

Man I'm really pissed right now.   Ooh I bet she thinks she's a good little christian girl just because she goes to church every week! Oh man I can't wait to St peter boot your ass when you get to the pearly gates oooh ooh ooh oooh won't that be fun you cunt.

Dear Amy: Your response to "Of Sound Mind" slightly missed the mark. Many young, ambitious women see their career choice as empowering and all-consuming.

She remarks that her career ambition is higher than being a stay-at-home mom.

Some of us stay-at-home moms are highly educated, had brilliant careers and then left these careers to pursue other dreams (like having a family).

A truly intelligent and worldly woman keeps all of her options open and fulfills them in due time? — A Bryant, Esq.

Dear goddamn it can we drop the fucking topic,

yes, very good.  Different people have a myriad of opinions and all of them are different.  We're SO proud of you for being like every other human on the planet.  Who gives a shit about that 17 year old dumbass? Answer: No one.  She'll do whatever the fuck she wants, she'll ruin her life, and you strangers can giggle yourself to sleep as you imagine how well your housewife lifestyle has turned out for you, and how you imagine yourself as being worthy of actually giving advice.  I take solace in that my "advice" is rarely ever good, but rarely ever wrong.  God. Damn. It.

#6DaysOfRaleigh #AndOnThe6thDayOfRaleigh #MyTrueAWGaveToMe #ONE #FUCKING #SIGGGNNNIIIIIIING